went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
