Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize