There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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