Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
