he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
