and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
