whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
