he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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