Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can't special order awesome
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
