Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
