...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
