I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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