I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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