He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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