I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
