??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
where are my eyebrows?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
