if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
