He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
