You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
