Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
