U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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