we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
