I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
