dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
