WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
