READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
