shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
