haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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