woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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