In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
