dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
time to smoke my breakfast
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
