We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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