my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
