Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
