The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Text me some of your sweat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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