Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
