I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
