you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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