I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
