what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were trust falling into bushes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
