i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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