I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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