the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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