What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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