after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
