My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
