you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
