Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
