I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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