i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
