Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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