And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
