How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize