You smell like stripper and shame
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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