Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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