Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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