the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
