so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
