he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
