batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They took my balls.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
