Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize