just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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