If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and she was petting her beer can
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
