An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize