the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
