Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
