I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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