i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
