had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
