I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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