i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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