Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
