Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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