I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
