I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
