i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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