this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
