You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
