Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
