I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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