they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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